she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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