the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
