Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
