You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
