Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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