I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
