I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
