Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
