god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
