Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
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