if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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