I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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