I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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