he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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