we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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