Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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