it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
