when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
