Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
