Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
