I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
