Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
