I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
