Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
