wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
