I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
