the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
last night I used snow as a chaser
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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