i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Alive.
So much puke
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
