Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
