U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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