I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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