I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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