did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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