Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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