yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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