Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
