I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
When are your genitals available?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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