what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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