I think I won the penis lottery.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize