yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
