I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
