Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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