belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
