just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
