I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
tell me about the eggs
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
