i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize