I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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