dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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