so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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