you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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