genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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