i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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