And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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