I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
