How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
