At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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