im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's shark week go big or go home
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
