it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So squirting runs in the family.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
And then my night got REAL pukey
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
