i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
