You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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