I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
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