Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
