you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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