Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He? As in you personified your dick?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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