wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
