she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
