We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize